Afterthoughts (Not Dessert)
In response to a friend's good questions about the preceding poem:
"The Main Course is probably one of my least favorite postings... why is she comparing herself to food? Why are good real women waiting and being waited for? Why aren't they living like you do so that one day someone (presumably a man if I'm following you) who is also living like you do may be noticed or notice one who is living and ask to live alongside her? I'm probably reading too far into this post... but those are my thoughts."
I understand the objection. It does leave itself open to narrow interpretation. I really like how you expressed noticing how one another live and asking to live alongside. That is of course what I am waiting for, but you can't ignore the fact that bodies figure in a great deal to the marriage thing.
"Why are good real women waiting and being waited for?" Ain't that the million dollar question. This is a source of exasperation for more women than just me, as you well know. I imagine there are all sorts of cultural and circumstantial factors, some better than others. I'm convinced that it is partly due to a shortage of worthwhile gentlemen who know a good thing when they see one and have the courage and self-confidence to do something about it rather than aiming low and settling for someone who is easy on their ego. However, I don't like the bitter feminist rationale that there is just something wrong with men. Implied in my comment is the hope that there are some good men who are actually waiting for a good woman, and taking their time for reasons of their own.
By waiting I do not mean languishing in an ivory tower taking naps and primping oneself until the knight in shining armor arrives. I mean waiting as in just plain "not yet" and in the right-person-right-time sense, having the dignity and discernment not to throw yourself at the first guy who will have you. I also do not mean that women should never take initiative; if you're going to be a true egalitarian that means equal opportunity for putting yourself out there and risking awkwardness and rejection.
Further thoughts (and by the way, thank you for making me think through this; I just posted it because I liked it and it resonated with the mood I was in at the time): I read it in context with the rest of the book. It doesn't specify which year she wrote this particular poem, but at the time of publication she's actually a grandmother. She is profound and multifaceted. This is one of her sassier pieces. From her other poetry and narratives, it is clear that she does not think of herself as an object. (I hope that from the rest of my blog it is clear that the same is true of me. If most of my posts were about my dating life or lack thereof, that would be a whole different story.)
What I like about it is a Christian woman taking pride in her sexuality rather than acting like she needs to repent of it, confident in being someone who is precious rather than cheaply 'for sale' or for grabs just because she's there. She's also not wallowing in insecurity and self-deprecation because she's not taken and wondering what she needs to do differently to be lovable. I don't know about you, but I so often get the 'fix yourself' message from well-meaning friends, relatives, and a certain Midwest Ministry Exam counselor--the message that singleness is a disease and the way I do womanhood is defective. Since I got thin a few years back, the implication has become that "there's nothing wrong with how you look, so it must be your personality . . . just be sweet and more . . . normal? . . . and don't think so much. And you might want to doll yourself up a little too, just in case." As though I will be lucky to have someone find me desirable, rather than him being lucky to get me.
I also took this poem to be a jab at the inane, wasteful 'choice' culture that forms people to want everything, appreciate (let alone deeply love) nothing, and abuse their own bodies and others. Wendell Berry draws many parallels between cheapening of food and farming and cheapening of physicality and sexuality. In his thinking, food of the nourishing sort is a mystery and one of humanity's deepest connections to creation and thereby to God, and he denounces our culture for our desecration of eating. I think there is some of that implied here. If that's the case, 'the main course' could be an honorific rather than meaning only food.
Finally, Song of Solomon is full of food imagery for sexuality, so it's not that off. Come to think of it, Jesus compares himself to food as well. Hmm . . .
"The Main Course is probably one of my least favorite postings... why is she comparing herself to food? Why are good real women waiting and being waited for? Why aren't they living like you do so that one day someone (presumably a man if I'm following you) who is also living like you do may be noticed or notice one who is living and ask to live alongside her? I'm probably reading too far into this post... but those are my thoughts."
I understand the objection. It does leave itself open to narrow interpretation. I really like how you expressed noticing how one another live and asking to live alongside. That is of course what I am waiting for, but you can't ignore the fact that bodies figure in a great deal to the marriage thing.
"Why are good real women waiting and being waited for?" Ain't that the million dollar question. This is a source of exasperation for more women than just me, as you well know. I imagine there are all sorts of cultural and circumstantial factors, some better than others. I'm convinced that it is partly due to a shortage of worthwhile gentlemen who know a good thing when they see one and have the courage and self-confidence to do something about it rather than aiming low and settling for someone who is easy on their ego. However, I don't like the bitter feminist rationale that there is just something wrong with men. Implied in my comment is the hope that there are some good men who are actually waiting for a good woman, and taking their time for reasons of their own.
By waiting I do not mean languishing in an ivory tower taking naps and primping oneself until the knight in shining armor arrives. I mean waiting as in just plain "not yet" and in the right-person-right-time sense, having the dignity and discernment not to throw yourself at the first guy who will have you. I also do not mean that women should never take initiative; if you're going to be a true egalitarian that means equal opportunity for putting yourself out there and risking awkwardness and rejection.
Further thoughts (and by the way, thank you for making me think through this; I just posted it because I liked it and it resonated with the mood I was in at the time): I read it in context with the rest of the book. It doesn't specify which year she wrote this particular poem, but at the time of publication she's actually a grandmother. She is profound and multifaceted. This is one of her sassier pieces. From her other poetry and narratives, it is clear that she does not think of herself as an object. (I hope that from the rest of my blog it is clear that the same is true of me. If most of my posts were about my dating life or lack thereof, that would be a whole different story.)
What I like about it is a Christian woman taking pride in her sexuality rather than acting like she needs to repent of it, confident in being someone who is precious rather than cheaply 'for sale' or for grabs just because she's there. She's also not wallowing in insecurity and self-deprecation because she's not taken and wondering what she needs to do differently to be lovable. I don't know about you, but I so often get the 'fix yourself' message from well-meaning friends, relatives, and a certain Midwest Ministry Exam counselor--the message that singleness is a disease and the way I do womanhood is defective. Since I got thin a few years back, the implication has become that "there's nothing wrong with how you look, so it must be your personality . . . just be sweet and more . . . normal? . . . and don't think so much. And you might want to doll yourself up a little too, just in case." As though I will be lucky to have someone find me desirable, rather than him being lucky to get me.
I also took this poem to be a jab at the inane, wasteful 'choice' culture that forms people to want everything, appreciate (let alone deeply love) nothing, and abuse their own bodies and others. Wendell Berry draws many parallels between cheapening of food and farming and cheapening of physicality and sexuality. In his thinking, food of the nourishing sort is a mystery and one of humanity's deepest connections to creation and thereby to God, and he denounces our culture for our desecration of eating. I think there is some of that implied here. If that's the case, 'the main course' could be an honorific rather than meaning only food.
Finally, Song of Solomon is full of food imagery for sexuality, so it's not that off. Come to think of it, Jesus compares himself to food as well. Hmm . . .
posted by Ingrid at 10:12 PM
2 Comments:
I loved the Main Course. She's valuing herself and all she has to offer. She's not going to settle for less just because someone happens to walk by...and I don't think she's waiting around either. The spirit of the poem seems to suggest she's perfectly content where she's at and if someone cares enough to stop by, great. If not, oh well. She'll go on, happy to be where she's at.
Thanks, Gret! I totally agree.
I aspire to be more content with my situation than I am (hence the Jan. 1 resolution), but flying solo does have its advantages, and much better conflictedly and perplex-edly single than unhappily or aimlessly attached.
Post a Comment
<< Home